All the single ladies

I am once again, a single lady. Pretty psyched about it. :)

Excuse me for being a female.

These last few weeks are going by so very slowly. I just want to fucking graduate already. I want life, already.

I know this might be seen as weird, but I've been thinking about babies an inappropriate amount lately. Maybe my hormones are making me want one, but it's a bit frightening. I've never wanted kids all that badly. It was just sort of a far off, future plan sort of thought. But I feel as though it could be real, and that makes me sort of happy until I think about financing such things, and poopy diapers.

Does everyone get this confused at this point in life? What the hell am I going to do? What are my priorities?

Sigh. I cry too much.

MASS HYSTERIA

I truly don't know where my life is headed anymore. I want to work more so I can get my own place and so I can actually afford adulthood, but nothing gets me more stressed out than 8 hours at target. I just want to listen to music all day. I want to read and work on my screenplay and watch shit tv and supernatural on dvd and laugh with my friends. On the other hand, target is getting better and as long as I don't look at the clock and think about leaving...its alright.
Took the AP lit exam today. I felt stupid as I struggled with it. I don't like feeling stupid. Maybe I did fine. I don't really want to think about it too much. If I didn't do well then I payed 60 dollars to fail a test, and I won't get any college credit. argh.
William O'Dell is one of the most confusing individuals I have dealt with as of late. I'm trying to get him to open up and be less distant, but part of me is beginning to think this is who he is and I either need to deal with it or find someone new. Reality bites.
I have listened to the same new Green Day song about ten times. American Eulogy, I love it.

Red alert is the color of panic
Elevated to the point of static
Beating into the hearts of the fanatics
And the neighborhood's a loaded gun

They are still my favorite band after almost six years. I don't give a flying fuck if they aren't cool to the hipster/hardcore/scene/lameASS crowd. On that note, I realized even though I don't dress the way I used to, I'm still the same badass pirate chick, except now I don't get kicked out of the mall and I drive a malibu.


XOXO. MOEMOE

21 Guns

I feel lately as though my life has turned into one long wait. I'm waiting for graduation, college, other, um, opportunities to arise. The older I get the more things I used to think were stupid become important, like money and shit. Also, I've really learned how hard it is to make a relationship work. How hard it is to fall in "love". I've even become skeptical about something I was once very sure of. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being the 14 year old me. I was so idealistic and bad ass and truly stuck to my convictions. Now, I'm not even sure what my convictions are, and I definitely don't stick to them whatever they might be. blahhhh good night.

Truths:

I don't believe in god, but if I did, I would want to be jewish.

I hate my job, but am afraid to quit and do not want to get fired.

I feel like a joke amongst my peers.

I act stupid around guys I have feelings for.

I have no clue why I do the things I do.

I've never been in love. But i've told several boys I was in love with them.

I cry for attention.

I do a lot of things for attention.

I like cats more than I like the majority of humans on this planet.

I liked Twilight because it reflected my own inner thoughts and feelings about how relationships should be, not because it held any real literary value.

I wish I had money.

I wish I was talented.

I wish I was beautiful.

I wish I was tall, and that I had curves.

I judge people.

I hate people.

I hate me, sometimes.

awh fucking shit.

My boyfriend frequently bores the fuck out of me. Yet, I crave his approval and company. All he talks about is TV and playing video games. He would rather play them than be with me for a few hours. He doesn't talk to me. We make out, we joke around, we have fun and, I like him, but we cannot have a deep conversation about any subject.

Fucking conundrum. F U C K.

My screenplay is going nowhere. The whole fucking plot eludes me, all I can come up with is random situations involving the characters that are entirely based off of real people.

My Ex and one of my Ex Best Friends are dating, and actually, I think they are a very good match. Congratulations.

I want sex.

I want love.

I want a guy I can actually fucking talk to. I don't know if Will is that for me. I don't know what to do to get him to open up. He isn't stupid, by any means. I just don't know what I'm doing.